Pretentious Me

People say that you will never survive life if you don’t know how to pretend. But some say that being pretentious holds you back from being who you really are. So, what do we do now? I say that there are situations where in we should and should not pretend. There are circumstances where in it is better that we hide what we really feel rather than exposing our weakness to the people around us. Sometimes, it is better that we pretend that we are not hurt than to show people how weak we are.

In my personal experiences, I’ve been hurt many times, physically and emotionally, and in these cases I’ve been weak. I have shown to the people around me how hurt I was thinking that they would stand by me. But it went the other way around. They saw weakness in me and thought I was not good enough. This experience taught me that it was not good exposing my weakness to people, I’d rather pretend than to be scrutinized. My friends now ask me, how do I do it? There are simple ways on how to pretend you are not hurt. Actually, there is only a couple of ways, and here’s how.

1. If you fall from the stairs and a couple of people saw you and laughed at you, stand up gracefully like and smile with a little raise of the eyebrows. This will tell them that you are not embarrassed at all and it might happen to them one of these days. J

2. If someone tells you a joke and you got offended, don’t show them that, smile and ignore what they say. Be confident of who you are. But it is better if you think of a better joke to tell but in a subtle way. J

3. Lastly, if you got heartbroken, for example you boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you because he or she found another, smile and move over. The world does not stop revolving and life does not end after him or her. There is still more to life.

My only secret in pretending not to be hurt is to always smile; no one will know you’re bruised inside. It’s not bad to pretend, unless you are hurting someone in the process. But, as I’ve said, pretending is better in SOME situations not ALL. We are entitled with our own emotions and feelings. My friends say that I’ve mastered the art of pretending not to be hurt, but deep inside I am scarred and wounded with all that happened in the 21 years of my life. When I am with people, there’s no hurt, pain or suffering that can be seen through me, but when I’m alone, the scars, the wounds will bleed altogether. This is the set back of pretending if I may say. You have no one to confide with but yourself.

worries :(

Why do little things worry us as if they are the biggest skeletons in our closet? I’m a person that observes even ants traveling by my desk to my half eaten brownie, or a big truck passing by our school’s street. In simple words, I am observant, and this trait of mine makes me see the littlest things that I shouldn’t be seeing. I’m saying this because little things make me worry.

It worries me when my father opt to call my sister to take his blood pressure. I’m worried if I am not home by 7p.m. (only God knows why) It worries me when droplets of rain starts to pour down early in the morning.(I always think there’s a typhoon coming) It worries me when my friends didn’t even remember to text me today.

This simple things maybe simple to you, but for me, it’s not. These things worries me.I wonder why?

events

Many things happened for the past three months that I haven't been writing on my blog. I gained experience, I lost someone important, I learned, I taught, I lead, I followed.

February 2010
> busy days in school doing production stuffs as a Mass Communication student. I experienced how difficult it is to be in the entertainment world. It is not easy to be a part of the "Behind the Camera" staff of live shows or even the taped ones. Pressure and misunderstandings with your coworkers will always be there but then, seeing the result of all the hardships that all of the people involved in the show aired, it is more than overwhelming. To my "Friendship" team...you were my best group this entire semester. Thank you.

March 2010
>March 22, 2010-Athena Film Awards night.
I didn't expect to bag awards in all the categories. I hoped but did not expect. But I was very Happy that Jun, Mhayzel, Roan, Aram and Mervin all received the awards they deserved. Congratulations guys.

Jun-SF breakthrough actor
Mhayzel-MV best interpreter
Roan- Best Corporate AVP
Aram-Best Newsletter
Mervin-Best Music Video 1st Runner-up

April 2010
>April 08, 2010
I lost a part of my world. It was Thursday morning at around 7:30 that my father passed away with a smile on his lips. I know he was happy when he left us and I know that he is now with the Father who promised eternal life in heaven. "Papa, I know I haven't been the best daughter to you especially during the times you were in pain. You are out of pain now Papa, you are as good looking as when you were young the last time I saw you lying there as if you were only sleeping. I know I haven't told you that I love you so much. I know its too late to say this but I will still say it. I love you Papa and I miss you so much. I'll do my best to achieve what I promised you. Be happy. =) "


Life is full of happy, sad, and unexpected events that all of us don't have any clue that these things will happen to us. So live life to the fullest and say your I love you's to your moms, dads, brothers, sisters, friends and enemies before its too late.

crap! crap! crap! and more crap!

Why do I waste so much of my time thinking and being sad about someone that I would not even know if he thinks of me too? I just can't seem to understand how he would be so happy while I am in a state of depression since the start of the semester. Damn HIM for making me feel this way, and damn HER for getting in the way! I wish they were like bubbles that once I popped them they would never come back. I wish they were just mere HALLUCINATIONS that I get every time I day dream. Can the past be brought back to the present? Or can I foresee the future if they are still part of it? So many questions that needs answers. Life is just full of CRAP!

weekend..

It's 2:25 in the morning here and I'm still awake..actually I was already asleep but I was awaken..and now it's already weekend and I've got nothing to do for the rest of the day later. We've been sitting here in our room the whole day yesterday, surfing the net and browsing my Facebook account. I also got addicted to playing with Playfish games.

Oh yeah I remember, I think we're going to have a volleyball game this Sunday. I wish it would push through. I wish it would not rain. Heck! weekends with rain made it much lonelier.

I wish I could sleep till noon tomorrow. I wish my mom would not wake me up just to wash those damn dishes!..Oh yeah, it's mother's day on sunday..Happy Mother's day mom..love you so much!!..hehehehe..

my mom!! For you ma!!

Happy Mother's day to all the moms out there!!

random things for a first timer..

yay! I've got my first blog site..hehehe..well I've been wanting to make one since we got our web connection but as we all know time is very much a factor. What made me take time to create this was a friend's blog site in tumblr..'nainggit ako' that's why I took the time to create one..anyways..

I was so happy last night because Kris Allen and Danny Gokey weren't voted out in American Idol. They are my bets in the competition. But I was also sad that Allison has to go. I wanted it to be Adam. Not that he's not good, but I just don't like his style in singing. Paula Abdul was great last night. She's still a great performer after all these years. Well good luck to final three. Especially to Kris and Danny.

We are having a rainy summer time here in the Philippines. How ironic. Summer time should be sunny, not rainy. Maybe it's because of the climate change and global warming. Well we can't do anything about it now. But I hate it because I haven't gone swimming this summer..awww.

That's it for my first blog..I think it's a bit long for a first time..hehehehe..

Ciao!